Every Friday my husband stops work at 11am. We spend the rest of the day together to spend some quality time with each other and to reconnect. Today we decided to just chill at home. We’ve spent the morning and some of the afternoon in bed, making love, eating pâté and bread, drinking wine and watching a movie. It was lovely. However, the negative thoughts never leave me and I felt the need, once again, to pick at the scab. I asked him if he’s told me everything about the night he spent with his whore. He said he had. I asked him about the following morning. I wanted to know if it was just as he had told me. He said it was. I struggle with what happened the following morning as a) he had sex with his whore again which shows that there was no regret about what he did (like he told me there was before he confessed he’d fucked her again) b) I couldn’t understand how just the mere suggestion of sex from the whoring bitch was enough for him to be straight away standing to attention!? I asked him if there was any touching/kissing etc. he said there wasn’t, not sure if I believe him but anyway. I asked him why he’d lied about the fact that he’d fucked her three times and not once like he’d originally told me. He said that it seemed worse. I got angry at him at this point and told him that at least he fucked up his marriage for the opportunity to fuck her three times. If it had only been once it would have been a waste. His answer was, “it was hardly worth it”…what the fuck?! It was hardly worth it? Is he fucking kidding me?!! Maybe our marriage is “hardly worth it”! Maybe he’s “hardly worth it”! He makes me sick. He is such a fucking arsehole!
Sometimes I wonder why I’m still here in this marriage. I wonder why I’m giving him another chance. I wonder why I’m setting myself up for yet another fall for this man. What is so fucking great about him that I’m willing to risk having my heart broken and going through this fucking pain again? I wish I knew. I think I must be totally fucked up too!
I’ve been here too… Enjoying a perfectly lovely, romantic moment with my husband and a thought creeps into my mind and all of a sudden the moment is gone, I’m upset and he’s angry at himself. I hate it. I hate being intimate with my husband and then losing that moment to doubt, lingering anger, sadness–i.e. his affair. I’ve learned to understand my fear better. I know when a thought is damaging and has to be released and when to contain it for later. But that doesn’t make it any better.
I asked my husband why he kept going back to his whore for a year and penetrating her–if he was aware after the first time that it was a mistake. I don’t know if this answer is good enough yet but he says he was aware that he fucked up and what he had done damaged our marriage. So he fell into this trap of feeling like he messed up and nothing he did mattered because he fucked up. He said he thought in his head that he would keep this totally separate and compartmentalized from the rest of his life.
(I didn’t recommend tht post 2 AIM it @ ANYBODY. I wanted U/Mr B to rd my comments b/c it’s re my “cyberaffection” 4 U.)
(One of my comments to the above link, that lists Yr & Mr B’s websites, awaits WEW’s moderation.)
I approved the comment. I am actually trying to figure out how I missed it? Lol. Thanks for the patience.
I heard this many years ago, & I’ve said it ever since: A man will fuck a doughnut if it has a hole in it!
I’ll be back to respond to yr post here after I take care of some business. Affectionately, 1981
Dear cyberfriend Bubsy, pls rd the post and the comments @ http://www.whinyexwife.wordpress.com/2013/03/22/my-apologies
In 15 months we’ve had countless days like this. I’ve found asking questions in bed is the wrong place, likewise the tub is a bad place. I’ve been guilty of both.
It does sound like he meant “it was hardly worth it” in a hell no it wasn’t worth it way. Perhaps you took his reply out of context, I’ve also been guilty of doing that with my husband. I’m hyper sensitive to everything he says and how he says it.
My husband only spent one night with his AP, he’d already fucked her the night before, then the next night he went to a strip club with his buddies couldn’t find a prostitute to fuck so he went back to the hotel wasted and went to the AP’s room fucked her again and passed out. The next morning he work up and fucked her again. He also lied, and lied and lied about the details about all of it and even having spent a night with her.
She was the 6 year affair, so I’m thankful he only spent one whole night with her and that he was wasted. He said it was not a cuddle type sleep, just passed out drunk.
He said he lied also because the truth seemed worse. They always have an excuse to lie.
I asked how he could fuck her in the morning too, he said she inniated and because he could.
Whatever it’s all fucking gross. It makes his body tainted to me. His whore was gross, ugly and fat. He said she was like fucking blubber. He must have liked fucking blubber since he did it for 6 years.
The truth of the matter is they (our husbands) probably don’t know why they did it, or they just did it because it was available and they could. Bastards
I think you’re right, he didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I could see the look on his face when he said it. It was that “oh shit!” look.
Again I think you’re right about how they could fuck again the next morning – she was there, she asked for it and he obliged! Why would he say no? Men are weak and pretty pathetic. He told me he wasn’t attracted to her, didn’t find her intellectually stimulating and that she was quite dour. But he still fucked her?! Wanker!
As my husband has told me “I could have fucked a goat or a hole in the wall, men are wired differently than women.”
Isn’t that the truth.
Perhaps you’re taking it wrong? It sounds like he meant it wasn’t worth the pain he caused, not that the quality of sex wasn’t worth it.
Regardless, I hope you have a better day & the crazy feeling pass soon.
I think you’re right. I’m very sensitive at the moment, as is to be expected I guess, but I think he said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Sometimes it’s not easy to have perspective until someone points it out to you. Thanks to you and hiddinsight for your support x
((Hugs)) it’s hard not to read into or take things the wrong way. We’re hypersensitive – and we’re like that for a reason. But as long as our WS keep their cool, we can get through the hard times.
All credit to him he did keep his cool even when I told him to fuck off! Lol! Glad to say he didn’t and we salvaged the rest of the day x
Hiddinsight – thanks for the perspective. We’re cooking dinner together now – so we’re making some food based memories ! Then hopefully we’ll make some more new memories later tonight
This is why you stay…: “We’ve spent the morning and some of the afternoon in bed, making love, eating pâté and bread, drinking wine and watching a movie. It was lovely.”
Keep making your new memories…
Thanks for your comment. You’re absolutely right. When things are good they’re great, but the bad stuff is always there waiting to ruin the day. But that IS why I stay, because it can be good and I hope it will be again one day
I believe that it will, my friend
That’s not quite the whole story Mrs B – you shouted at me “we’ll I hope it was worth it” and I replied “it was hardly worth it”
I regret saying that and I’m sorry. But it was said in haste and during an argument
Nothing about that night was “worth it”. Nothing was worth risking our marriage. You didn’t fuck up – I did. And I regret it so so much